We don't need no stinkin'...
May. 7th, 2008 11:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
penfield"The best smell in the world is that man that you love."
- Jennifer Aniston
Early today, somewhere between showering and dressing, I forgot to apply my anti-perspirant deodorant.[1] I'd like to be able to blame this hygienic oversight on distractions from my girlfriend, but she was still fast asleep when I crept into our bedroom closet. I wish I could use the excuse that I was in a morning rush, but the fact is that I had plenty of time and opportunity. It seems obvious that I was simply over-anxious to dig into a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats and click the television on to learn the results of yesterday's primaries.
I have my morning routine down pretty clearly these days: Wake up at 7:15, shower, shave, deodorize, put on underwear & undershirt, breakfast & last night's Colbert Report, brush teeth, finish dressing, kiss J. goodbye, out the door by around 8:30.[2] It is so rote that it is practically unconscious, which is a good thing when one is half-asleep. But it is not so good when one is inadverently disrupted and results in a missed step.[3]
Not until I passed through the Metro turnstile did I realize my mistake. I tried to assess the odorous damage personally, but have you ever noticed how difficult it is to smell your own armpits without looking like you're smelling your own armpits, or possibly wiping snot on your shoulder? Initial tests were at least inconclusive, and a follow-up examination in the privacy of my office confirmed that the situation was still managable.
In my office I keep an emergency canister of Axe Deodorant Bodyspray.[4] I generally only use it on rare occasions for freshening up before or after high-pressure situations. This being a perfectly valid instance for its deployment, my predicament would normally not be a very big deal.
However, today I have a softball game. Even if the temperature were not expected to break 80 degrees with ease this afternoon, my standard 110-percent effort would surely pose an obstacle to prolonged aromatic freshness -- a conflict for which a thin layer of Axe bodyspray is woefully outmatched.
So, I have a choice: I can take time this afternoon to find a CVS and obtain some emergency anti-perspirant fortification, or I can go into battle al fresco, relying on my natural pheremones and personal magnetism to see me through this crisis. What it all comes down to, I suppose, is the likelihood of victory.
- Jennifer Aniston
Early today, somewhere between showering and dressing, I forgot to apply my anti-perspirant deodorant.[1] I'd like to be able to blame this hygienic oversight on distractions from my girlfriend, but she was still fast asleep when I crept into our bedroom closet. I wish I could use the excuse that I was in a morning rush, but the fact is that I had plenty of time and opportunity. It seems obvious that I was simply over-anxious to dig into a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats and click the television on to learn the results of yesterday's primaries.
I have my morning routine down pretty clearly these days: Wake up at 7:15, shower, shave, deodorize, put on underwear & undershirt, breakfast & last night's Colbert Report, brush teeth, finish dressing, kiss J. goodbye, out the door by around 8:30.[2] It is so rote that it is practically unconscious, which is a good thing when one is half-asleep. But it is not so good when one is inadverently disrupted and results in a missed step.[3]
Not until I passed through the Metro turnstile did I realize my mistake. I tried to assess the odorous damage personally, but have you ever noticed how difficult it is to smell your own armpits without looking like you're smelling your own armpits, or possibly wiping snot on your shoulder? Initial tests were at least inconclusive, and a follow-up examination in the privacy of my office confirmed that the situation was still managable.
In my office I keep an emergency canister of Axe Deodorant Bodyspray.[4] I generally only use it on rare occasions for freshening up before or after high-pressure situations. This being a perfectly valid instance for its deployment, my predicament would normally not be a very big deal.
However, today I have a softball game. Even if the temperature were not expected to break 80 degrees with ease this afternoon, my standard 110-percent effort would surely pose an obstacle to prolonged aromatic freshness -- a conflict for which a thin layer of Axe bodyspray is woefully outmatched.
So, I have a choice: I can take time this afternoon to find a CVS and obtain some emergency anti-perspirant fortification, or I can go into battle al fresco, relying on my natural pheremones and personal magnetism to see me through this crisis. What it all comes down to, I suppose, is the likelihood of victory.
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[1]
Date: 2008-05-07 05:10 pm (UTC)An old friend used to say that at some point, we all have to pick our scent. Some people adopt sweet or flowery perfumes, some people choose the folksy comfort of baby powder. I’ve settled on Speed Stick Sport Talc, with a fragrance that aptly describes who I am as a person: subtle, yet commanding. Mature, yet playful. Uncompromisingly fresh, but with a quiet dignity.