In praise of the Hungry Man Dinner

[penfield]

dl004d and the Grand Marnier, whose opinions I hold in high esteem, have both recently pontificated on the brilliance of Chef Jose Andres. Evidently he is the proprietor of D.C.-area restaurants Jaleo, minibar, Cafe Atlantico and Zaytinya.

These restaurants all have something else in common: I hate them.

It has nothing to do with Andres' cooking, which is generally creative. He may also be a kind and generous guy, which is not particularly important but I suppose it is nice to know. What bothers me is his devotion to "small plate" service. The Spaniards call it "tapas." Middle Easterners call it "mezza". I call it "bogus."

It is my contention that tapas and the like is the biggest scam perpetrated upon restaurant clientele since the advent of bottled water. The idea is basically that customers are obligated to order their meals a la carte. Isn't this the same sh!t everybody whined about in college dining centers?

It seems that everything is priced at $4.99 or $5.99 or $6.99 so you feel like you're getting a great deal. But you have to get two or three or four dishes, and when you're finally full, you add up all the different parts and you realize that for the cost of your meal you could have purchased a whole yak or whatever animal their weird-ass meat comes from.

I realize this rant comes off as sort of xenophobic; I must sound like a typical American lardbag insisting on Alamo-sized portions and complaining that "fries should come with that." Maybe that's what I am. But I've managed to find exotic and elegant dining in this city and elsewhere without feeling like I've been nickeled-and-dimed, and I'll continue to frequent those places until people like Andres start grouping their appeteasers together and call it an Extra Value Meal.

Comments

A few corrections

[village-twins.livejournal.com]

+ Cafe Atlantico is not a "small-plate" restaurant.

+ For that matter, I am shocked to learn you have anything negative at all to say about Cafe Atlantico.

+ The other places have entrees for people who don't want to mess with the "small plates."

+ The small plates start at $3, not $5.

Re: A few corrections

[enchanted-pants.livejournal.com]

Maybe I am confusing Cafe Atlantico with someplace else. I have never dined at Cafe Atlantico but I could have sworn that I was turned off the menu for this reason.

Re: A few corrections

[(Anonymous)]

Here is the dinner menu at Cafe Atlantico (http://www.cafeatlantico.com/dinner.htm). It's hard to imagine that anything on here (other than the prices) would turn you off.

Re: A few corrections

[enchanted-pants.livejournal.com]

Reading the menu, my general impression is one of indifference. I don't think this is one of the restaurants I intended to smear in the rant above.

I am amused, though, by the presence of "organized Caesar salad," which sounds like it was prepared by teamsters.

Down with tapas!

[(Anonymous)]

Hooray for Jason!

-- Josh

mezze

[(Anonymous)]

of course you realize that mezze is a part of your heritage ...you should try knocking down a couple of glasses of ouzo and some mezze with Papu and then tell me what you think ;-)


love, Aunt Jackie

Re: mezze

[enchanted-pants.livejournal.com]

Yes, I understand that I could be perceived as turning my back on the food of my forebears. This would not be unusual for me, since I have no love for feta cheese, tsatziki or baklava. But this is not my point.

I have no problem with the concept of mezze. What I resent is the packaging of it by trendier-than-thou faux-thentic restaurants that use it as a way to trick you into spending a lot of money. Small plates are fine, as long as there are plenty of them. You are talking to the president of the "I love buffets" club.

And by the way, I went shot-for-ouzo shot with Papu once. It was fun but the old man can't hold his liquor.

Re: mezze

[(Anonymous)]

Woo! Sell it, brother! Ja-son! Ja-son!!