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penfieldHandle with Care
This past weekend I not only attended the Madison, Wisconsin wedding of two good friends, I also served in the matrimonial choir and as the master of ceremonies for the reception itself. In the interest of posterity, what follows is a rough transcript of my remarks to begin the reception.
---
Welcome, friends, and family, family friends, family of friends, friends of family friends and family of friends' families, to the first annual wedding reception of Graham Kent and Sarah Benton.
[TO THE COUPLE]: We'll talk later.
My name is Jason, and it is my distinguished honor to serve as master of ceremonies this evening. As some of you may be aware, I am the one who originally introduced Graham and Sarah, lo these many years ago. So, in a way, you could say that I am partially responsible for bringing us all here tonight.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you, yes, I am wonderful. But tonight is really about Sarah and Graham.
In fact, for quite some time, Graham and Sarah's relationship constituted the only evidence that I had any idea what women want. Apparently they want Graham.
Fortunately for the rest of us bachelors, today it appears Sarah has cornered the market. For his part, Graham has for himself the one girl for whom it can be said that every man who's ever known her has had a crush on her at one point or another.
As a final gift to the couple, I want to discuss briefly the meaning of marriage. The officiant went into this earlier, during the ceremony, but I prefer like to look at this a little more analytically.
Specifically, we're going to break down the word "marriage."
[PRODUCES POSTERBOARD WITH THE WORD "MARRIAGE" IN LARGE BLOCK LETTERS AND TELESCOPING POINTER (IMAGE COURTESY OF dl004d)]
MA
As we all know, "Ma" is short for "Mom" or "Mother." Surely, there is no purer love than the love of Mother for child. "Ma" represents marriage's grand aspiration to that pinnacle of affection, trust and devotion and calls to mind the sacred notion of family. And more than this, it evokes a sort of rebirth. Man and wife are reborn as one, with marriage as their "ma." This "ma" can be strict, and from time to time she will embarrass you, and sometimes she will chase you around the house threatening you with a wooden spoon. But she does it out of love.
RR
Next we have "RR," which does not stand for "rest and relaxation." No, marriage is hard work. In this case, "RR" stands for "Rrrrr!" as in the sound that animals make when they are angry with each other. Married couples will make this sound sometimes, over silly things, like how to pronounce the word "Sherbet." But to make "marriage" work, you have to get past the "RR". If you can't get past the "RR," then all you've got is "MAR", which we know means "to mess up." As in, "to mess up a perfectly nice wedding reception."
I
Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "There is no 'I' in 'marriage'" – not figuratively, anyway. Marriage should about "we" and "us." Ah, but! you'll notice – and the fellas out there probably know what I'm talking about – The "I" is silent. The silent "I" in "marriage" is your cue to tell your selfish side to shut up. And at the same time, it is a commandment to keep your eyes open to the beauty that is all around you, and, at this moment, seated next to you.
AGE
And finally we have "AGE," fittingly, at the end of "marriage." Marriage is essentially an explicitly stated desire to grow old with another person, to begin that long slow march into eternity, together. It is a lifelong commitment to another person, a promise to take care of them, even as they become helpless, incontinent, nonsensical and cranky, not unlike a newborn child.
Which leads us back to "MA".
Let me be among the first hundred or so people to wish you good luck on your journey through marriage. Congratulations to each of you on your lovely choice of spouse, and to both of you for the beautiful wedding ceremony we just witnessed.
I think we have all been inspired by what we've seen today. I feel a lot of love in this room right now. In lieu of a group hug, I will now call upon Sarah and Graham's closest friends and family to offer their toasts to the new couple.
This past weekend I not only attended the Madison, Wisconsin wedding of two good friends, I also served in the matrimonial choir and as the master of ceremonies for the reception itself. In the interest of posterity, what follows is a rough transcript of my remarks to begin the reception.
---
Welcome, friends, and family, family friends, family of friends, friends of family friends and family of friends' families, to the first annual wedding reception of Graham Kent and Sarah Benton.
[TO THE COUPLE]: We'll talk later.
My name is Jason, and it is my distinguished honor to serve as master of ceremonies this evening. As some of you may be aware, I am the one who originally introduced Graham and Sarah, lo these many years ago. So, in a way, you could say that I am partially responsible for bringing us all here tonight.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you, yes, I am wonderful. But tonight is really about Sarah and Graham.
In fact, for quite some time, Graham and Sarah's relationship constituted the only evidence that I had any idea what women want. Apparently they want Graham.
Fortunately for the rest of us bachelors, today it appears Sarah has cornered the market. For his part, Graham has for himself the one girl for whom it can be said that every man who's ever known her has had a crush on her at one point or another.
As a final gift to the couple, I want to discuss briefly the meaning of marriage. The officiant went into this earlier, during the ceremony, but I prefer like to look at this a little more analytically.
Specifically, we're going to break down the word "marriage."
[PRODUCES POSTERBOARD WITH THE WORD "MARRIAGE" IN LARGE BLOCK LETTERS AND TELESCOPING POINTER (IMAGE COURTESY OF dl004d)]
MA
As we all know, "Ma" is short for "Mom" or "Mother." Surely, there is no purer love than the love of Mother for child. "Ma" represents marriage's grand aspiration to that pinnacle of affection, trust and devotion and calls to mind the sacred notion of family. And more than this, it evokes a sort of rebirth. Man and wife are reborn as one, with marriage as their "ma." This "ma" can be strict, and from time to time she will embarrass you, and sometimes she will chase you around the house threatening you with a wooden spoon. But she does it out of love.
RR
Next we have "RR," which does not stand for "rest and relaxation." No, marriage is hard work. In this case, "RR" stands for "Rrrrr!" as in the sound that animals make when they are angry with each other. Married couples will make this sound sometimes, over silly things, like how to pronounce the word "Sherbet." But to make "marriage" work, you have to get past the "RR". If you can't get past the "RR," then all you've got is "MAR", which we know means "to mess up." As in, "to mess up a perfectly nice wedding reception."
I
Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "There is no 'I' in 'marriage'" – not figuratively, anyway. Marriage should about "we" and "us." Ah, but! you'll notice – and the fellas out there probably know what I'm talking about – The "I" is silent. The silent "I" in "marriage" is your cue to tell your selfish side to shut up. And at the same time, it is a commandment to keep your eyes open to the beauty that is all around you, and, at this moment, seated next to you.
AGE
And finally we have "AGE," fittingly, at the end of "marriage." Marriage is essentially an explicitly stated desire to grow old with another person, to begin that long slow march into eternity, together. It is a lifelong commitment to another person, a promise to take care of them, even as they become helpless, incontinent, nonsensical and cranky, not unlike a newborn child.
Which leads us back to "MA".
Let me be among the first hundred or so people to wish you good luck on your journey through marriage. Congratulations to each of you on your lovely choice of spouse, and to both of you for the beautiful wedding ceremony we just witnessed.
I think we have all been inspired by what we've seen today. I feel a lot of love in this room right now. In lieu of a group hug, I will now call upon Sarah and Graham's closest friends and family to offer their toasts to the new couple.
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Maah-wijh Bwings Us Tugefer
Date: 2006-10-12 03:33 am (UTC)Re: Maah-wijh Bwings Us Tugefer
Date: 2006-10-12 03:12 pm (UTC)Re: Maah-wijh Bwings Us Tugefer
Date: 2006-10-12 06:17 pm (UTC)Stronger in person
Date: 2006-10-18 08:48 pm (UTC)Aww, c'mon
Date: 2006-10-20 04:05 am (UTC)