Gum out and play

[penfield]

Sometimes I'll be walking down the street in my fair city, most often to or from work, when I'll see a uniformed work crew addressing the sidewalk pavement with what appears to be a highly pressurized combination of air and water. For a long time, I wondered what the heck they were doing. After all, the undertaking was far too gentle to be any sort of construction or deconstruction task and far too surgical to be part of the city's vast street-cleaning operation -- especially considering that a hundred people are going to traipse right over that same spot by the time you pack up your hose.

Eventually I learned that what I was seeing was a gum removal procedure, fulfilled by extremely specialized private companies with amusing names like "Gum-B-Gone" and "Gumbusters" and "Annie, Get Your Gum." These presumably skilled technicians are using the pressurized spray to remove those unsightly black spots from the sidewalk pavement.

Generally, they do a good job. I assume this because I never really even notice all those little black spots on the pavement until I see the Gumbusters in full swing, which suggests that the Gumbusters are on the scene at the moment the gum problem becomes unruly. But once I do notice it, I see it everywhere. And it makes me wonder: Is it really gum? Like, chewing gum? because (A), how does it get all black like that? It can't just be dirt, can it? (B) if there were really gum all over the place, wouldn't it get stuck to peoples' shoes before it had the chance to settle into a flat little puddle? and (C) I've lived in a major city for seven years now, and I've been walking on sidewalks for even longer, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen someone spit gum onto the sidewalk. We are not savages. We are not major league ballplayers. This is not the Old West, where people spit various bodily fluids onto the ground as a way of repelling rattlesnakes. And even if it were so, one would expect a greater concentration of sidewalk gum in the vicinity of public wastebaskets.

The only explanation I can think of is that these companies are using a broader definition of the term "gum," to include sticky and dirty substances including but not limited to sealing tar, motor oil, shoe rubber, bug detritus, wheelchair sludge, ice cream toppings, silly putty, tourist drool and, yes, chewing gum. Thank you, gum guys, for making each step a little bit cleaner.

Comments

Lasts a Little Longer

[instant-ethos.livejournal.com]

You make a good point. There should be concentrated areas of gum globs in place like around wastebaskets, at bus stops and outside the Gum Tasting Museum. And often there are. Yes, those dark sticky spots are most definitely chewing gum.

I've also noticed those innumerable dark gooey splotches on city streets and wondered if it was possible that so many "savages" actually spit their gum out on the sidewalk. Does the gum fall out of their mouths accidentally because they literally cannot "walk and chew gum at the same time?" Does that phrase actually apply to some people? No. I don't believe anyone is that uncoordinated. Instead, I believe that people are just that rude. I've put my hand into a blob of gum in some predictable places (under chairs, under countertops) and not-so-predictable places (hand railings, door knobs). I have no doubt that people can be that obnoxious. I mean, have you driven on I-95 or stood in line at a CVS recently?

Singapore was definitely onto something when they banned the sale of chewing gum. Except the punishment for spitting your gum out on the street should not be caning. It should be to get a big glob of freshly chewed gum stuck into your hair. Remember that day your came home from school with gum stuck in your hair? And your mom used peanut butter to get it out and you spent the rest of the week smelling like Skippy?

Legislation was recently proposed in Oakland, CA to tax fast food restaurants due to the amount of litter created by their wrappers and cups. So why not tax the gum people for cleaning up their sticky product everywhere?

Ah, fuck it. Just cane the bastards.

Re: Lasts a Little Longer

[enchanted-pants.livejournal.com]

People get chewing gum out of their hair with peanut butter? How the heck does that work? How do you get something sticky out of your hair by putting more sticky stuff in your hair?

Re: Lasts a Little Longer

[(Anonymous)]

"Don't try to get gum out with a bone. It only makes things worse." -- Sideshow Mel.

Re: Lasts a Little Longer

[instant-ethos.livejournal.com]

It an old wives' tale. I think it has to do with the oils in the peanut butter that supposedly makes the gum unstick.

Speaking of old wives' tales, did you know that the "old" refers to the wives, not the tales?

Re: Lasts a Little Longer

[enchanted-pants.livejournal.com]

I think I did know that. But you made me care.

Thank you addressing this important issue

[jatchwa.livejournal.com]

I'm incredibly confused by the number of black spots out there. I wonder is some of the spots are a result cigarette debris -- everything decomposes except for the tar. Could that be it? Gum just isn't THAT popular. I've been troubled by this for years.