Jason's Law of Thermodynamics

What's the deal with sleeveless turtleneck sweaters? You're either hot or you're cold. Pick a side.

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You know what really bugs me about Major League Baseball Commissioner Allan H. "Bud" Selig? I mean besides the rampant commercialism, the travesty of interleague play and his implicit role in the ignorance of the sport's steroid problem.

Listen to one of his interviews sometime (the latest episode of CostasNOW on HBO, for example). He prefaces every statement with the word "frankly" or "candidly." What's even worse is that the subsequent phrase is never remotely interesting.

Don't get me wrong; I appreciate that he's telling us the truth. But when a person feels compelled to say "frankly" and "candidly" all the time, I suspect that he's spending the rest of his time being two-faced and underhanded. The end result is that I come away thinking that he's just a liar, and I don't take anything he says seriously.

I wish he would just come out and say, "Listen. Barry Bonds is an asshole. We all know he's an asshole. He probably cheated, but nobody can prove that now. The fact is, he hit 755 home runs in the major leagues, and it doesn't matter if you're injecting yourself with Kryptonite, that's an accomplishment that should be recognized. So Major League Baseball recognizes it. Now let's all focus on something more positive and life-affirming, like George Steinbrenner's spiraling descent into madness."

Then at least I would believe him.