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Homophobophobia
Nov. 16th, 2004 11:32 amOn Friday, November 12, I was shopping in a major electronics retail store for a new mp3 player, since my previous player had just coughed its last breath midway through the Go-Go's "Head Over Heels." I asked the hovering sales associate if I might see an iPod mini, please. She immediately asked, "Would you like that in pink?" After processing this question for a split second, I responded indignantly, and maybe a bit loudly. "Pink? Pink? What are you trying to say? What kind of guy do you think I am?"
On Saturday, November 13, on a slow train to Baltimore, I started a new book, David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day." The writer and the book had come highly recommended by trusted friends like Foxy Mama, Hi-C and the E Train, and I was eager to begin reading his work, which consists entirely of autobiographical essays. Very quickly it dawned on me that the author was homosexual -- very candidly so -- and I immediately became somewhat uncomfortable.
...
Homophobia has been a hot topic recently, with the resounding rejection of gay marriage on ballot initiatives across the country. Lots of people, including me, have invoked the term "homophobia," even though I think it's a misnomer.
Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders (or "arachnids"). Photophobia is the fear of light (with "photo" being the ancient Greek word for "light."). Phobophobia is the fear of fear. But people use "homophobia" as a way of saying "fear of homosexuals or homosexuality," when in fact it should only be interpreted one of two ways: it could be fear of things that are "alike" or like one who fears, as "homo" is latin for "same." Either that or, it's "fear of 'homos,' " I'm not gay, but "homo" seems like one of your more abrasive epithets. This would be like calling a fear of Italians "Dagophobia."
That said, given the lack of help from our lexicon, I'll use the term homophobia for the purposes of this discussion. I can accept being knowledgably inaccurate, especially since it's not really fear of homosexuals we should be talking about, anyway. It's hatred of homosexuals. It's not "fear" that compels brainless individuals to torture and kill a harmless young gay man in Laramie, Wyoming it's pure barbaric hatred. The concept of homophobia seems to include this hatred also, much like the term "racism" does. Perhaps, if we want to create an analog with racism, we should rename homophobia as "gayism." This is probably preferable to rechristening racism as "negrophobia."
The point is, people still have a long way to go in terms of accepting homosexuals as part of our society. This seems to me to be the fundamental principle at work behind the opposition to gay marriage. I just don't believe that everyone is objecting because it devalues the concept of marriage. (If that were so, wouldn't there be vast fundraising socio-political groups opposing divorce, adultery and Jennifer Lopez? And where do I sign up?) I think people view gay marriage as a way of allowing gay folks into the mainstream, instead of on the fringe where they supposedly belong.
I support gay marriage. Or, to be more clear, I support gay marriage as much as I support any type of marriage. Frankly, I really don't see why marriage should be a matter for the state anyway, or why a person should receive a tax or health care or insurance benefit simply because they've convinced someone to have sex with them on a regular basis. Isn't that unfair to the unsexy? (or, if you prefer, sexophobic?)
I think gay folks should have equal opportunity under the law, from marriage to employment to adoption to military service. It's the trivial things that throw me, personally. For example: should gay folks have their own bathrooms? My honest answer: I don't know.
(This specific question is an interesting one. Men and women's bathrooms are separate, ostensibly because it's a place where people are pulling their pants down, and you shouldn't have to expose your private parts in front of someone who may have nefarious applications for those parts. No one questions this. But why then should gay men be allowed into a bathroom with straight men? If the principle is violated thusly, doesn't the whole system break down? And what if we do decide to give homosexuals their own bathrooms. Who's allowed in there? All gay people? or do we need separate rooms for gay men and gay women, and obviously that wouldn't work because gay men are interested in gay men and gay women are interested in gay women. And don't even get me started with bisexuals. They'll just have to hold it.)
I still get nervous around gayness. I have an irrational fear of drag queens. When I see gay men walking hand-in-hand in Dupont Circle, I stare. When I see gay men kissing in a Christina Aguilera video, I wince. I avoid "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." I'm enjoying Sedaris' book, but I cannot shake the consciousness that he is a dude who likes dudes.
I don't know why I react this way. Obviously, I grew up in a somewhat sheltered enclave of suburbia, and while I wasn't taught intolerance by my parents, I simply wasn't exposed to gayness as a part of society. I don't have any gay friends. I've had several acquaintances who apparently were gay, but I don't think I ever acknowledged or discussed it with any of them. Could mere unfamiliarity be the root of my aversion?
Or is it something more psychological? Sexuality is a big part of identity and how we relate to each other, and has become an increasingly dominant aspect of our society and our culture. For a person who thinks about sex almost constantly, like -- oh, I don't know -- me, sexuality is the prism through which all actions -- my own and others' -- are analyzed. The presence of so many divergent sexual proclivities forces everyone to review constantly their own sexuality. While I am an avowed heterosexual, even I must admit that my record of late provides precious little empirical evidence of that fact. This anxiety likely manifests itself in the direction of homosexuals.
So, maybe the distinction between fear of homosexuals and hatred of homosexuals is an important one. I do not hate gay people. Perhaps I am indeed a homophobe, in the gentlest sense of the word. But if I am, I don't want to be, and that should count for something.
On Saturday, November 13, on a slow train to Baltimore, I started a new book, David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day." The writer and the book had come highly recommended by trusted friends like Foxy Mama, Hi-C and the E Train, and I was eager to begin reading his work, which consists entirely of autobiographical essays. Very quickly it dawned on me that the author was homosexual -- very candidly so -- and I immediately became somewhat uncomfortable.
...
Homophobia has been a hot topic recently, with the resounding rejection of gay marriage on ballot initiatives across the country. Lots of people, including me, have invoked the term "homophobia," even though I think it's a misnomer.
Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders (or "arachnids"). Photophobia is the fear of light (with "photo" being the ancient Greek word for "light."). Phobophobia is the fear of fear. But people use "homophobia" as a way of saying "fear of homosexuals or homosexuality," when in fact it should only be interpreted one of two ways: it could be fear of things that are "alike" or like one who fears, as "homo" is latin for "same." Either that or, it's "fear of 'homos,' " I'm not gay, but "homo" seems like one of your more abrasive epithets. This would be like calling a fear of Italians "Dagophobia."
That said, given the lack of help from our lexicon, I'll use the term homophobia for the purposes of this discussion. I can accept being knowledgably inaccurate, especially since it's not really fear of homosexuals we should be talking about, anyway. It's hatred of homosexuals. It's not "fear" that compels brainless individuals to torture and kill a harmless young gay man in Laramie, Wyoming it's pure barbaric hatred. The concept of homophobia seems to include this hatred also, much like the term "racism" does. Perhaps, if we want to create an analog with racism, we should rename homophobia as "gayism." This is probably preferable to rechristening racism as "negrophobia."
The point is, people still have a long way to go in terms of accepting homosexuals as part of our society. This seems to me to be the fundamental principle at work behind the opposition to gay marriage. I just don't believe that everyone is objecting because it devalues the concept of marriage. (If that were so, wouldn't there be vast fundraising socio-political groups opposing divorce, adultery and Jennifer Lopez? And where do I sign up?) I think people view gay marriage as a way of allowing gay folks into the mainstream, instead of on the fringe where they supposedly belong.
I support gay marriage. Or, to be more clear, I support gay marriage as much as I support any type of marriage. Frankly, I really don't see why marriage should be a matter for the state anyway, or why a person should receive a tax or health care or insurance benefit simply because they've convinced someone to have sex with them on a regular basis. Isn't that unfair to the unsexy? (or, if you prefer, sexophobic?)
I think gay folks should have equal opportunity under the law, from marriage to employment to adoption to military service. It's the trivial things that throw me, personally. For example: should gay folks have their own bathrooms? My honest answer: I don't know.
(This specific question is an interesting one. Men and women's bathrooms are separate, ostensibly because it's a place where people are pulling their pants down, and you shouldn't have to expose your private parts in front of someone who may have nefarious applications for those parts. No one questions this. But why then should gay men be allowed into a bathroom with straight men? If the principle is violated thusly, doesn't the whole system break down? And what if we do decide to give homosexuals their own bathrooms. Who's allowed in there? All gay people? or do we need separate rooms for gay men and gay women, and obviously that wouldn't work because gay men are interested in gay men and gay women are interested in gay women. And don't even get me started with bisexuals. They'll just have to hold it.)
I still get nervous around gayness. I have an irrational fear of drag queens. When I see gay men walking hand-in-hand in Dupont Circle, I stare. When I see gay men kissing in a Christina Aguilera video, I wince. I avoid "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." I'm enjoying Sedaris' book, but I cannot shake the consciousness that he is a dude who likes dudes.
I don't know why I react this way. Obviously, I grew up in a somewhat sheltered enclave of suburbia, and while I wasn't taught intolerance by my parents, I simply wasn't exposed to gayness as a part of society. I don't have any gay friends. I've had several acquaintances who apparently were gay, but I don't think I ever acknowledged or discussed it with any of them. Could mere unfamiliarity be the root of my aversion?
Or is it something more psychological? Sexuality is a big part of identity and how we relate to each other, and has become an increasingly dominant aspect of our society and our culture. For a person who thinks about sex almost constantly, like -- oh, I don't know -- me, sexuality is the prism through which all actions -- my own and others' -- are analyzed. The presence of so many divergent sexual proclivities forces everyone to review constantly their own sexuality. While I am an avowed heterosexual, even I must admit that my record of late provides precious little empirical evidence of that fact. This anxiety likely manifests itself in the direction of homosexuals.
So, maybe the distinction between fear of homosexuals and hatred of homosexuals is an important one. I do not hate gay people. Perhaps I am indeed a homophobe, in the gentlest sense of the word. But if I am, I don't want to be, and that should count for something.
