penfield | Family Feudalism

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."
- Confucius

So, I'm back. And soooooo close to completing the Year of LiveJournalism without a single missed weeknight. Taking a pass on Christmas Day is easily defensible, but I simply blew you off on Sunday.

It would be presumptuous for me to suggest that my meager blatherskite in this here space would be roundly missed, especially since many of you readers are or were just as vacationized as I. But for those of you who missed your daily dose of Vitamin E.P., you have my flattered appreciation and a valid excuse.

For nearly five days I devoted every single moment to the small, extremely exclusive group of people I love the most in the entire world. The 100 hours with my family was, if not necessarily soothing, spiritually gratifying.

Of course, the problem with family gatherings of large scope is that there is only so much quality time to go around. Inevitably, someone ends up being shortchanged. It becomes particularly tricky in a town like Las Vegas, which is like the metropolitan definition of "distraction".

I was relentlessly torn between various constituencies, all of whom deserved more love and attention than I was able to shower upon them. There were:

My grandparents, Las Vegas residents who don't travel very much and, let's face it, are getting old. They don't act old; my grandfather still spends several hours a day swindling wannabe poker studs out of their per diems and my grandmother is still feisty enough to make those Golden Girls look like frontal lobotomy patients. But the fact remains that they are not going to be around until I'm their age, and I secretly worry that the last time I saw them is the last time I'll see them.

My parents, my profoundly beloved empty-nesters to whom I have grown closer emotionally in recent years (and most specifically during this god-foresaken 2008). As I make certain bounding leaps into adulthood -- marriage, home ownership, financial independence -- I look to my folks as an essential how-to/how-not-to resource for building a well-lived life.

My "little" brother and his fiancee, who live way the hell out in California and rarely make it back east. Bonding with my brother is especially important, because I already feel like we've gotten a late start -- due to what I'll call "personality differences," we refrained from communicating with each other on any kind of meaningful level for about ten years. Trust me, it was safer that way. But now that we've matured to the level where casual conversation cannot be misconstrued as a sarcastic rebuke, our relationship has improved significantly.

My adored fiancee, obviously, whose happiness is most closely linked to my own. Also, with this being her first real trip to Las Vegas, and her first Christmas away from family, and our first holiday as an engaged couple, I was also expected to fulfill certain romantic obligations.

And then of course there's me, the guy who is actually on vacation, for whom some peaceful rest and relaxation would have been a nice little Christmas bonus.

But of course this is not the season for thinking of one's self. And naturally I was happy to share these precious moments with my family. The tough part is apportioning a finite amount of quality time in such a way that I appease each and all of the aforementioned constituencies. The task becomes progressively more difficult when you consider that the eight of us share widely varying interests, appetites and tolerances for televised football.

But I'd like to think that everyone's dance card was completed to their satisfaction. I know I had a wonderful time, and that's even factoring in the disappointing efforts of certain good-for-nothing NFL franchises who seemed not only unaware of but totally unconcerned with the betting line.

So, for those of you who missed me, I'm kind of sorry, but I'm really not. And to those aforementioned family members who want to hear more about themselves in this space, I strongly encourage you to write your own blog. That, I wouldn't miss.