Winsome, lose some

[penfield]

Lisa: Alright, look I did not ask for the stupid award.
Beth: If I were you I'd be upset too. I mean you? Cute? Come on.
Lisa: I am not entirely uncute. I... I... Why are you being nasty about this?
Beth: I'm not being nasty. You're pretty. You're very pretty in fact. But cute, I don't think so.
Lisa: Well I wasn't aware there was a difference.
Beth: Well of course there is a difference. Pretty means pretty. Cute means pretty but short and/or hyperactive - like me.
Lisa: Uh huh. What is beautiful?
Beth: Beautiful means pretty and tall.
Lisa: Gorgeous?
Beth: Pretty with great hair.
Lisa: Striking?
Beth: Pretty with a big nose.
Lisa: OK, you're making this up.
Beth: That's ridiculous, why would I make it up?
Lisa: Voluptuous?
Beth: Pretty and fat.
Lisa: Sexy?
Beth: Pretty and easy.
Lisa: Exotic?
Beth: Ugly ... When people start calling pretty people cute, it devalues the word. I mean, what's next? Cute exotic people? Cute sexy people? It is important that cute remain precise terminology for those of us who truly have cuteness, like me.
- Maura Tierney (as Lisa) and Vicki Lewis (as Beth) in NewsRadio Episode No. 3.12, "Rap"


Today, as I was leaving the apartment, I asked J. what she thought of my wardrobe ensemble, a pants-shirt-sweater-tie combination that I had never tried before. "You look very handsome," she said earnestly, and smiled.

I took the compliment in the spirit with which it was intended, but there's something about that word "handsome" that rings funny to me. Maybe it's because "handsome" was always the word my mom used that the phrase now seems almost condescending.

Or maybe the particular semantics of that phrase make the term "handsome" sound transitive or temporary -- as in, "you look handsome right now, as compared to your usual objectionable appearance."

And more etymologically, the word fundamentally doesn't really make much sense. What does "hand" have to do with it? Nobody's looking at a man's hands. Has there ever been a culture that assigned much value to the length of a guy's fingernails or the hair on a guy's knuckles? Shouldn't the word be "face-some"?

Part of the problem is that there just aren't as many words for a good-looking slab of man-meat like myself as there are for good-looking babes, such as Lisa and Beth socratically identify above.

"Hot"? Good-looking and lean.

"Attractive"? Good-looking and boring.

"Dashing"? Good-looking and old.

"Studly"? Good-looking and ironic.

See? It doesn't work quite as well. And I think there are two valid reasons why.

First of all, men are simple, stupid and superficial creatures. Consciously and subconsciously, they organize women into discrete categories as a means of determining compatibility. It is, essentially, a mating-ritual shortcut -- critical for a species that is focused on minimizing process and hates to ask for directions. The surplus of adjectives is a symptom of this pathological behavior; men have many words for "a good-looking woman" in much the same way that eskimos have many different words for "snow."

But also, men are simple, stupid and superficial creatures -- particularly in comparison to women. While men instinctively classify women according to obvious physical characteristics, women are evolved enough to get to know a man so they can determine whether he is not only good-looking but also funny, smart or wealthy. When judging potential mates, women have the whole vocabulary at their disposal and need not resort to such shallow nuance.

So I suppose "handsome" isn't so bad after all. It's subtextual ambiguity lends it some valuable mystery -- it convey anything from boyish charm to devilish mischief. I would be happy with "handsome."

But I also wouldn't mind being "hot."

Comments

[village-twins.livejournal.com]

And more etymologically, the word fundamentally doesn't really make much sense. What does "hand" have to do with it?

Good question! The etymology shows that the word does indeed come from "hand" + "some" — meaning "easily handled," "convenient" and "generous" (a handsome reward, for example). With that history, it's easier to see how "generous" could become "of impressive size" and later... "good looking."

The Quality of Handsome Men

[https://me.yahoo.com/java.pants#d88b9 (from livejournal.com)]

Excellent! I shall employ this usage posthaste.
Indeed, I look forward to when next our paths cross when I will exclaim to all present company how "Handsome" I find your appearance before me. We will both know that really I'm complimenting, and indeed toasting to, the health and shalom of your manparts.