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penfieldAccording to a recent ESPN news story, (in)famed baseball pitcher Roger Clemens refused to discuss his legal issues with Houston's KRIV-TV:
"We're doing things the right way, rocking and rolling, doing it the right way," Clemens told the TV station. "We're not going to get involved with all of the stuff that's out there and that's it."
This must be his best response to any question, ever. It may be the best response anyone's ever given to anyone regarding anything.
Let's break it down.
"We..."
Ostensibly -- perhaps even consciously -- he is referring to Roger Clemens the defendant, encompassing Clemens himself, his family, his associates, his holdings, his subsidiaries and his legal team. But underneath it all is a longing for communion with his fans, the People.
And so, right away, he invites us in and makes himself one of us. Despite his millions of dollars of net worth and his numerous professional accolades and his legendary physical accomplishments, he lets us know that "he" is "we." By doing so, he invokes not only our sympathy but our empathy. We are Roger Clemens, no matter who we are or what we are doing. Speaking of which:
"...[we]'re doing things..."
There is an existential simplicity in this phrase. Undeniably, we are doing things. On a literal level, at the moment he was saying these words, that is what he was doing -- saying those words. And the reporter was asking questions, and cameraman was filming, and as we read those words, we are reading those words. This is the essence of humanity, of consciousness: the act of doing. This knowledge of doing is what separates us from the reflexive or incidental movements of lesser organisms. We people are all doing things, always. This much is self-evident. This leaves the question: how are we doing things?
"...the right way..."
I mean, how can you argue with that? He succinctly, contextually dismisses the entire concept of any nuance or gray area, essentially stipulating that there is a "right way" and a "wrong way." And by gum, we know which way he's doing things. The right way. And he doesn't say anything about what the right way or the wrong way is, because he doesn't have to. Each of us has our own values, our own notions about rightness and wrongness. And Clemens simply gives us the opportunity to decide for ourselves what is right. And whatever we think is right, he's doing things that way.
"...rocking and rolling..."
Call it a blatant appeal to our youthful, fun-loving, harmonious natures, if you will, but I see it as a demonstration of joy. While perhaps not everyone is a devotee of the rock n' roll sound or the rock n' roll aesthetic or the rock n' roll ethic, we are all entranced by its underlying theme of freedom -- whether that be plowing your own field or pounding your own clay or shredding your own wicked electric guitar solo.
We are doing things, all right -- we're doing them our way.
Indeed, rock n' roll -- including all its musical descendants -- has evolved from Anglo- and African-American roots into a deeply American mode of thought by embracing the two key tenets of Americanism: freedom of expression and raw, shameless capitalism. Rocking and rolling is in fact an act of patriotism.
So while we are doing things our way, we are also doing things the American way. And let's not forget:
"...doing it the right way."
Lest we forget how we should be doing our own American thing, whatever our method, let there be no doubt: we are doing it correctly.
"We're not going to get involved with all that stuff that's out there..."
Amen. Once again he speaks for us, a stalwart spokesman for his legion of followers. "out there," in the cold, cruel world, there's "all that stuff." Poverty, pestilence, woe -- that's some pretty rotten stuff out there. Who wants to get involved with all that stuff? Involvement itself seems so trecherous and involuntary. (If you read a headline that said "Mass bombing foiled, Martha Stewart involved," would you assume that Martha Stewart was doing the bombing or the foiling? Exactly.)
Roger Clemens wants to shield us from all the nastiness, to reassure us that the turmoil and the tumult out there is not going to infringe upon our collective peace. We'll just stay here in our coccoon, far away from all that yelling and shit.
"... and that's it."
Genius! Imagine the poor reader or listener, hearing Clemens' words and following him on his flight of fancy, perhaps imagining the rocking and rolling, and then dangling there on the edge of his rhetoric. That poor soul, still adrift on a philosophical journey, might achieve total enlightenment and never be heard from again. Clemens wisely brings his audience back to earth, where eternal vigilance is still needed.
but "that's it" is more than mere punctuation. It is a summation of his position. That is it. It is that. We are one. I am he is you are he is you are me and we are all together. He is the Walrus. And he is doing things the right way.
From now on, any time anyone asks me a purposeless question, I'll just say, "We're doing things the right way, rocking and rolling."
For example:
STATE TROOPER: Do you know how fast you were going?
ME: We were doing things the right way, rocking and rolling.
ADMIRING PASSERBY: How did you save those children from that burning building?
ME: We did things the right way, rocking and stopping, dropping and rolling.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
ME: We do things the right way, rocking and rolling.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: You may kiss the bride.
ME: That's it.
"We're doing things the right way, rocking and rolling, doing it the right way," Clemens told the TV station. "We're not going to get involved with all of the stuff that's out there and that's it."
This must be his best response to any question, ever. It may be the best response anyone's ever given to anyone regarding anything.
Let's break it down.
"We..."
Ostensibly -- perhaps even consciously -- he is referring to Roger Clemens the defendant, encompassing Clemens himself, his family, his associates, his holdings, his subsidiaries and his legal team. But underneath it all is a longing for communion with his fans, the People.
And so, right away, he invites us in and makes himself one of us. Despite his millions of dollars of net worth and his numerous professional accolades and his legendary physical accomplishments, he lets us know that "he" is "we." By doing so, he invokes not only our sympathy but our empathy. We are Roger Clemens, no matter who we are or what we are doing. Speaking of which:
"...[we]'re doing things..."
There is an existential simplicity in this phrase. Undeniably, we are doing things. On a literal level, at the moment he was saying these words, that is what he was doing -- saying those words. And the reporter was asking questions, and cameraman was filming, and as we read those words, we are reading those words. This is the essence of humanity, of consciousness: the act of doing. This knowledge of doing is what separates us from the reflexive or incidental movements of lesser organisms. We people are all doing things, always. This much is self-evident. This leaves the question: how are we doing things?
"...the right way..."
I mean, how can you argue with that? He succinctly, contextually dismisses the entire concept of any nuance or gray area, essentially stipulating that there is a "right way" and a "wrong way." And by gum, we know which way he's doing things. The right way. And he doesn't say anything about what the right way or the wrong way is, because he doesn't have to. Each of us has our own values, our own notions about rightness and wrongness. And Clemens simply gives us the opportunity to decide for ourselves what is right. And whatever we think is right, he's doing things that way.
"...rocking and rolling..."
Call it a blatant appeal to our youthful, fun-loving, harmonious natures, if you will, but I see it as a demonstration of joy. While perhaps not everyone is a devotee of the rock n' roll sound or the rock n' roll aesthetic or the rock n' roll ethic, we are all entranced by its underlying theme of freedom -- whether that be plowing your own field or pounding your own clay or shredding your own wicked electric guitar solo.
We are doing things, all right -- we're doing them our way.
Indeed, rock n' roll -- including all its musical descendants -- has evolved from Anglo- and African-American roots into a deeply American mode of thought by embracing the two key tenets of Americanism: freedom of expression and raw, shameless capitalism. Rocking and rolling is in fact an act of patriotism.
So while we are doing things our way, we are also doing things the American way. And let's not forget:
"...doing it the right way."
Lest we forget how we should be doing our own American thing, whatever our method, let there be no doubt: we are doing it correctly.
"We're not going to get involved with all that stuff that's out there..."
Amen. Once again he speaks for us, a stalwart spokesman for his legion of followers. "out there," in the cold, cruel world, there's "all that stuff." Poverty, pestilence, woe -- that's some pretty rotten stuff out there. Who wants to get involved with all that stuff? Involvement itself seems so trecherous and involuntary. (If you read a headline that said "Mass bombing foiled, Martha Stewart involved," would you assume that Martha Stewart was doing the bombing or the foiling? Exactly.)
Roger Clemens wants to shield us from all the nastiness, to reassure us that the turmoil and the tumult out there is not going to infringe upon our collective peace. We'll just stay here in our coccoon, far away from all that yelling and shit.
"... and that's it."
Genius! Imagine the poor reader or listener, hearing Clemens' words and following him on his flight of fancy, perhaps imagining the rocking and rolling, and then dangling there on the edge of his rhetoric. That poor soul, still adrift on a philosophical journey, might achieve total enlightenment and never be heard from again. Clemens wisely brings his audience back to earth, where eternal vigilance is still needed.
but "that's it" is more than mere punctuation. It is a summation of his position. That is it. It is that. We are one. I am he is you are he is you are me and we are all together. He is the Walrus. And he is doing things the right way.
From now on, any time anyone asks me a purposeless question, I'll just say, "We're doing things the right way, rocking and rolling."
For example:
STATE TROOPER: Do you know how fast you were going?
ME: We were doing things the right way, rocking and rolling.
ADMIRING PASSERBY: How did you save those children from that burning building?
ME: We did things the right way, rocking and stopping, dropping and rolling.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
ME: We do things the right way, rocking and rolling.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: You may kiss the bride.
ME: That's it.
