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penfield"I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me... they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination - indeed, everything and anything except me."
- Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
Somebody gave me a look on the Metro this morning. I don't know how to describe it. It wasn't a dirty look or a funny look. It wasn't a flirty look or a curious look. It was just a plain old look. It might have been an old look. It sure looked like it had been around a while.
I didn't even ask for the look, she just gave it to me. I was forced to accept it; there was nothing else I could do. Once someone gives you a look, it's yours. You can dismiss a look, but that won't necessarily make it go away. You can try to return a look, but then that's your look and by definition a different look. Even if you tried to give someone an identical look, they'll always know the difference. And people never seem to appreciate personalized looks. "Don't give me that look," folks will sometimes say. But too late.
As people, we have an endless supply of looks, so many that we often give them out inadvertently. There have been times when I didn't even mean to give any looks at all, only to find out later that I was really dishing out looks all over the place. Often I will accidentally drop looks around the apartment. I know this because my girlfriend is constantly picking up looks I didn't intend to give away. She has become so skilled at identifying my looks that she can sometimes predict that a specific look is coming, before I can even think about giving a look at all.
We have so many looks that we even give looks to inanimate objects. When there's something that captures your attention, like a sports car, or that dress in the window, or a Magic Eight Ball, sometimes you just want to give that thing a look. Sometimes people will take a look, which is fine, because there are plenty of looks to go around, as long as they don't also take too much time. (Some people can be so greedy.)
In the rare occasion that a person appears to be out of looks, feel free to give them a sexy look and say "Hey, have a look," as long as they look friendly. It also helps if you are good looking.
Naturally, there will be times when people give you looks you don't want. It would be understandable if a person who receives a lot of crummy looks said they couldn't take any more. "I can't take any more of your looks," they might scream. Instead, they want something else. These folks always want to you to leave them a loan, presumably to tide them over until they can go out and get some nicer looks.
On the other end of the spectrum are the people who can't get a look from anyone. At job interviews, in singles bars, they're lucky to get a single look, much less two. "Nobody gives me a second look," these poor souls cry out. So they end up walking around with beaten-down, worn-out looks, or worse. Some of the most spiritually bankrupt individuals in our society -- politicians, high school cheerleaders, boy band members -- are never the same after they lose their looks.
We live in a superficial, visual age, so looks are important commodities. Plenty of people out there prefer getting crappy looks to no looks at all. Still, the supply of looks in circulation has depressed the value of an average look to the point where it's not even worth a shit. Nobody gives a shit about anything these days, and if you loudly announce that you're going to take a shit, all you ever get are nasty looks.
Still, it's nice to get a look once in a while, and I suppose I should be thankful to the generous Metro woman for giving me one. I wish I had treasured the look while I had it. Maybe I should have taken a picture.
- Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
Somebody gave me a look on the Metro this morning. I don't know how to describe it. It wasn't a dirty look or a funny look. It wasn't a flirty look or a curious look. It was just a plain old look. It might have been an old look. It sure looked like it had been around a while.
I didn't even ask for the look, she just gave it to me. I was forced to accept it; there was nothing else I could do. Once someone gives you a look, it's yours. You can dismiss a look, but that won't necessarily make it go away. You can try to return a look, but then that's your look and by definition a different look. Even if you tried to give someone an identical look, they'll always know the difference. And people never seem to appreciate personalized looks. "Don't give me that look," folks will sometimes say. But too late.
As people, we have an endless supply of looks, so many that we often give them out inadvertently. There have been times when I didn't even mean to give any looks at all, only to find out later that I was really dishing out looks all over the place. Often I will accidentally drop looks around the apartment. I know this because my girlfriend is constantly picking up looks I didn't intend to give away. She has become so skilled at identifying my looks that she can sometimes predict that a specific look is coming, before I can even think about giving a look at all.
We have so many looks that we even give looks to inanimate objects. When there's something that captures your attention, like a sports car, or that dress in the window, or a Magic Eight Ball, sometimes you just want to give that thing a look. Sometimes people will take a look, which is fine, because there are plenty of looks to go around, as long as they don't also take too much time. (Some people can be so greedy.)
In the rare occasion that a person appears to be out of looks, feel free to give them a sexy look and say "Hey, have a look," as long as they look friendly. It also helps if you are good looking.
Naturally, there will be times when people give you looks you don't want. It would be understandable if a person who receives a lot of crummy looks said they couldn't take any more. "I can't take any more of your looks," they might scream. Instead, they want something else. These folks always want to you to leave them a loan, presumably to tide them over until they can go out and get some nicer looks.
On the other end of the spectrum are the people who can't get a look from anyone. At job interviews, in singles bars, they're lucky to get a single look, much less two. "Nobody gives me a second look," these poor souls cry out. So they end up walking around with beaten-down, worn-out looks, or worse. Some of the most spiritually bankrupt individuals in our society -- politicians, high school cheerleaders, boy band members -- are never the same after they lose their looks.
We live in a superficial, visual age, so looks are important commodities. Plenty of people out there prefer getting crappy looks to no looks at all. Still, the supply of looks in circulation has depressed the value of an average look to the point where it's not even worth a shit. Nobody gives a shit about anything these days, and if you loudly announce that you're going to take a shit, all you ever get are nasty looks.
Still, it's nice to get a look once in a while, and I suppose I should be thankful to the generous Metro woman for giving me one. I wish I had treasured the look while I had it. Maybe I should have taken a picture.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-23 05:28 pm (UTC)They were asked to look at photos and rate the physical beauty of their s.o.'s on a scale of 1-10.
Then, they were asked to do the same with models.
Finally, they were asked to rate their s.o.'s again.
All the ratings went down after viewing, and subconsciously comparing them to, the models.
I read this about 8 years ago, and I've been depressed about it ever since.
By my calculations, given the number of models/actresses/reality show hoochies/music video badonkadonks/game show spokesmodels/internet cyberhotties the average man is exposed to on a daily basis (not to mention that hot secretary/donut girl/summer intern he sees at work), I figure that it will be about 5 years into any given relationship before the comparisons wear away at his esteem for me and he rolls over one day and decides he's completely sick of looking at me.
no cure for cynicism
Date: 2008-07-23 06:11 pm (UTC)Your concern also presupposes that men (or maybe people -- I don't know whether you are talking as a woman or more generally as a person) are so superficial as to value looks above less tangible things like intelligence or wit. Maybe that's true, but I think (hope) some people are interesting enough to overcome their physical deficiencies.
I could be wrong. Just to be safe, you should probably get married and lock your significant other down before time and gravity have their way with you both. At least that way, if/when he decides he's sick of you, at least you get half his stuff.