Driven, Crazy
Jul. 9th, 2008 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
penfield"If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected."
- Sun Tzu, the Art of War
Okay, so I have a little hypercompetitive problem.
When I'm losing -- anything, be it a board game, video game, softball game or love triangle -- My fuse dries out and shortens up. Amiable, mild-mannered Dr. Jekyll-Pants turn into furious, irrational Mr. Hyde-He's-Going-To-Throw-His-Tennis-Racket.
And I don't know where it comes from, really, because I was not raised in that kind of environment when I was growing up. The sports leagues and camps in which my parents enrolled me -- I couldn't have cared much less about the outcomes or my performances, perhaps because expectations were so low. There was pressure to get good grades, sure, but even in those less successful instances my folks were supportive rather than critical. J. has never given me any indication that she loves me merely for my perceived ability to crush other human beings with my athletic prowess.
It's embarassing when I devolve into a baby in the field or on the court, especially when it's just a game among friends. I know deep down that the immature reaction to my failure speaks more strongly against my character than the failure itself. I want to be as graceful in defeat, but I can't help fighting against it.
And as shameful as it is, the real problem with my hypercompetitive drive is that it is devoted to entirely useless pursuits. If I could find any way to direct it toward writing a novel, curing cancer or building a better mousetrap, I'd be a bigger man for it.
Softball Game: July 8, 2008
WON 32-5, record 6-1
Fortunately, my competitive ogre wasn't called to duty in last night's game, which was essentially over after the first 20 minutes. We batted around the order in the top of the first and put them down three-in-a-row in the bottom half of the frame. They didn't even score their five runs until the last inning, by which point we were already up by more than 30 runs.
This makes playing easy, if not necessarily exciting. It also makes it easier to swallow when you're pulled for substitutes in the middle innings.
My statistics:
3-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBI
AB#1: RBI single through the 5.5 hole, run
AB#2: home run to left
AB#3: home run to deep left-center
2 IP, zero runs
Season-to-date
12 for 16 (.750), 11 runs, 7 RBI, 3 HR
22 IP, 46 runs (18.81 ERA/9, 14.64 ERA/7)
- Sun Tzu, the Art of War
Okay, so I have a little hypercompetitive problem.
When I'm losing -- anything, be it a board game, video game, softball game or love triangle -- My fuse dries out and shortens up. Amiable, mild-mannered Dr. Jekyll-Pants turn into furious, irrational Mr. Hyde-He's-Going-To-Throw-His-Tennis-Racket.
And I don't know where it comes from, really, because I was not raised in that kind of environment when I was growing up. The sports leagues and camps in which my parents enrolled me -- I couldn't have cared much less about the outcomes or my performances, perhaps because expectations were so low. There was pressure to get good grades, sure, but even in those less successful instances my folks were supportive rather than critical. J. has never given me any indication that she loves me merely for my perceived ability to crush other human beings with my athletic prowess.
It's embarassing when I devolve into a baby in the field or on the court, especially when it's just a game among friends. I know deep down that the immature reaction to my failure speaks more strongly against my character than the failure itself. I want to be as graceful in defeat, but I can't help fighting against it.
And as shameful as it is, the real problem with my hypercompetitive drive is that it is devoted to entirely useless pursuits. If I could find any way to direct it toward writing a novel, curing cancer or building a better mousetrap, I'd be a bigger man for it.
Softball Game: July 8, 2008
WON 32-5, record 6-1
Fortunately, my competitive ogre wasn't called to duty in last night's game, which was essentially over after the first 20 minutes. We batted around the order in the top of the first and put them down three-in-a-row in the bottom half of the frame. They didn't even score their five runs until the last inning, by which point we were already up by more than 30 runs.
This makes playing easy, if not necessarily exciting. It also makes it easier to swallow when you're pulled for substitutes in the middle innings.
My statistics:
3-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBI
AB#1: RBI single through the 5.5 hole, run
AB#2: home run to left
AB#3: home run to deep left-center
2 IP, zero runs
Season-to-date
12 for 16 (.750), 11 runs, 7 RBI, 3 HR
22 IP, 46 runs (18.81 ERA/9, 14.64 ERA/7)
