Ball 16: Off-Season's Greetings
Sep. 22nd, 2006 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
penfieldPlayer ends softball season with a 'clink'
Team toasts 2006 campaign at annual happy hour awards banquet
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A local softball team gathered Thursday night to celebrate a season in which they finished 7-4, ranked No. 41 of 115 teams. "Some observers have called our 7-4 season a disappointment," said pitcher and utility player Enchanted Pants. "I would refer to it as more of a freak boating accident."
Indeed, there were good times along the way. The team averaged a powerful 21 runs per game – second in the league behind a team comprised of alien androids and genetically modified grizzly bears. Of the team's four losses, two were by a single run. Additionally, the team finished at or near the top in several statistical categories including Team Spirit, Dugout Chatter and Sex Appeal.
The team also doled out its individual player awards. Pants, who finished the season with a .649 batting average, 40 runs scored and 31 RBI in 74 at-bats, as well as a gaudy 18.32 run average, was awarded "Most Likely to Have Head or Other Body Part Taken Off by Ball Coming Off Double-Walled Titanium Bats."
These statistics include Pants' part-time duty with an alternate team that has since been contracted out of existence and converted into an escort service.
After what could reasonably be described as a transition year, Pants expressed optimism for the 2007 season. "This was a rebuilding year," he said. "Someone once said, 'If you build it, he will come.' Obviously, he's talking about Jesus. King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Son of God. With him batting cleanup, we will be unstoppable.
"But he better not want to pitch," Pants added.
2006 Season (final)
BATTING: 74 AB, 48 hits (.649 AVG) 17 doubles, 4 triple, 6 HR (89 Total bases, 1.230 SLG) 40 runs, 31 RBI
PITCHING: 70.2 innings, 185 runs (18.32 RA, per 7 innings; 23.56 RA, per 9)
FIELDING: 95.2 innings, 11 errors
Team toasts 2006 campaign at annual happy hour awards banquet
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A local softball team gathered Thursday night to celebrate a season in which they finished 7-4, ranked No. 41 of 115 teams. "Some observers have called our 7-4 season a disappointment," said pitcher and utility player Enchanted Pants. "I would refer to it as more of a freak boating accident."
Indeed, there were good times along the way. The team averaged a powerful 21 runs per game – second in the league behind a team comprised of alien androids and genetically modified grizzly bears. Of the team's four losses, two were by a single run. Additionally, the team finished at or near the top in several statistical categories including Team Spirit, Dugout Chatter and Sex Appeal.
The team also doled out its individual player awards. Pants, who finished the season with a .649 batting average, 40 runs scored and 31 RBI in 74 at-bats, as well as a gaudy 18.32 run average, was awarded "Most Likely to Have Head or Other Body Part Taken Off by Ball Coming Off Double-Walled Titanium Bats."
These statistics include Pants' part-time duty with an alternate team that has since been contracted out of existence and converted into an escort service.
After what could reasonably be described as a transition year, Pants expressed optimism for the 2007 season. "This was a rebuilding year," he said. "Someone once said, 'If you build it, he will come.' Obviously, he's talking about Jesus. King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Son of God. With him batting cleanup, we will be unstoppable.
"But he better not want to pitch," Pants added.
2006 Season (final)
BATTING: 74 AB, 48 hits (.649 AVG) 17 doubles, 4 triple, 6 HR (89 Total bases, 1.230 SLG) 40 runs, 31 RBI
PITCHING: 70.2 innings, 185 runs (18.32 RA, per 7 innings; 23.56 RA, per 9)
FIELDING: 95.2 innings, 11 errors
