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2012 Baseball Predilections
Mar. 29th, 2012 03:46 pm"Poets are like baseball pitchers. Both have their moments. The intervals are the tough things."
- Robert Frost
Per annual tradition, what follows is my 2012 list of Major League Baseball teams in the order of my preference -- that is, when two teams play each other, I root-root-root for the team that is higher on the list.
This list is in no way predictive of the final standings. In fact, a thorough review of my prior record would probably yield an inverse relationship. Nevertheless, I hold out hope for an Oakland-Washington World Series. I also hold out hope for world peace and a delicious fat-free ice cream.
THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE TEAMS
1. Oakland Athletics: Could be their last year on top of this list, after 25 seasons, for numerous reasons.
2. Toronto Blue Jays: Nothing like classic uniforms to get me back on board.
3. Washington Nationals: OK, I’m in. I’m not sure how the personalities fit together on this young and exciting team, but if anyone can figure it out, it’s Davey Johnson.
4. Pittsburgh Pirates: How great would it be to celebrate the end of their postseason drought at PNC Park? Or finish above .500? Or have more wins than the Steelers?
5. San Diego Padres: At least my brother’s adoptive team doesn’t have to worry about rainouts.
6. Detroit Tigers: This is the perfect beer-league team to give the Motor City’s its baseball renaissance. Remember, to err is human.
7. Tampa Bay Rays: Such an admirable organization, like the 1990s Atlanta Braves – I just want them to win a championship so people remember how great they were.
8. Milwaukee Brewers: Dinged a bit by the Braun fiasco, but still a good baseball town that deserves a winner.
9. Kansas City Royals: The team of tomorrow? Lots of good young players and I want to get in on the ground floor.
MEH, OKAY I GUESS
10. St. Louis Cardinals: Easier to like, now that LaRussa left and they’ve been spurned by Pujols.
11. Baltimore Orioles: I’m no Angelos fan, but since I can watch all the O’s games locally, it would be nice if they were at least interesting.
12. Atlanta Braves: I feel like I like this team more than their ownership does.
13. Cleveland Indians: Get rid of Chief Wahoo, and we’ll talk about moving you up on the list.
14. Los Angeles Dodgers: Jackie Robinson and Brooklyn history goes a long way.
15. Chicago Cubs: I like them all right but I actually kinda want them to keep sucking, so they don’t turn into the 2005 Red Sox.
16. Minnesota Twins: Their affiliation with my hometown Rochester Red Wings bumps them up at least five spots on this list.
THE "I JUST DON'T LIKE HIS FACE" DEPARTMENT
17. Cincinnati Reds: I’m a Joey Votto guy, but Dusty Baker sucks all the likeability out of this team.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks: We’re definitely into the “who cares” section of the list.
19. Colorado Rockies: Zzzzzzzz.
20. Seattle Mariners: Wake me when we get to the Phillies.
21. Houston Astros: I guess it will at least be interesting to watch their last year in the National League.
:P
22. Philadelphia Phillies: Enough of these guys already. Docked a solid five spots just for the ridiculously awful Ryan Howard contract.
23. Miami Marlins: Here’s a hateable team. Day-glo unis, Ozzie Guillen, Carlos Zambrano … any chance the ownership group includes Jennifer Lopez?
24. New York Mets: Sad to see Sandy Alderson slumming it with this motley group.
25. Boston Red Sox: It’s my hope that, at some point in the season, BAWBY VALENTINE and SCRAPPY PEDROIA get into a knife fight in the dugout.
26. Chicago White Sox: I know I’m already a very fortunate guy. Beautiful wife, good health, fulfilling job. But is it too much to ask for Hawk Harrelson to develop a watermelon-sized polyp on his larynx?
DIE IN A CHARTER PLANE ACCIDENT
27. New York Yankees: Duh. If you’re not a native New Yorker or descended from New Yorkers, and you’re a fan of this team, it means that you have no character.
28. San Francisco Giants: Just let the A’s move to San Jose, already, you assholes.
29. Texas Rangers: I might actually like this team, if it weren’t so Texan.
30. Anaheim Angels of Anaheim Anaheim: Pujols now? [Sigh.]
- Robert Frost
Per annual tradition, what follows is my 2012 list of Major League Baseball teams in the order of my preference -- that is, when two teams play each other, I root-root-root for the team that is higher on the list.
This list is in no way predictive of the final standings. In fact, a thorough review of my prior record would probably yield an inverse relationship. Nevertheless, I hold out hope for an Oakland-Washington World Series. I also hold out hope for world peace and a delicious fat-free ice cream.
THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE TEAMS
1. Oakland Athletics: Could be their last year on top of this list, after 25 seasons, for numerous reasons.
2. Toronto Blue Jays: Nothing like classic uniforms to get me back on board.
3. Washington Nationals: OK, I’m in. I’m not sure how the personalities fit together on this young and exciting team, but if anyone can figure it out, it’s Davey Johnson.
4. Pittsburgh Pirates: How great would it be to celebrate the end of their postseason drought at PNC Park? Or finish above .500? Or have more wins than the Steelers?
5. San Diego Padres: At least my brother’s adoptive team doesn’t have to worry about rainouts.
6. Detroit Tigers: This is the perfect beer-league team to give the Motor City’s its baseball renaissance. Remember, to err is human.
7. Tampa Bay Rays: Such an admirable organization, like the 1990s Atlanta Braves – I just want them to win a championship so people remember how great they were.
8. Milwaukee Brewers: Dinged a bit by the Braun fiasco, but still a good baseball town that deserves a winner.
9. Kansas City Royals: The team of tomorrow? Lots of good young players and I want to get in on the ground floor.
MEH, OKAY I GUESS
10. St. Louis Cardinals: Easier to like, now that LaRussa left and they’ve been spurned by Pujols.
11. Baltimore Orioles: I’m no Angelos fan, but since I can watch all the O’s games locally, it would be nice if they were at least interesting.
12. Atlanta Braves: I feel like I like this team more than their ownership does.
13. Cleveland Indians: Get rid of Chief Wahoo, and we’ll talk about moving you up on the list.
14. Los Angeles Dodgers: Jackie Robinson and Brooklyn history goes a long way.
15. Chicago Cubs: I like them all right but I actually kinda want them to keep sucking, so they don’t turn into the 2005 Red Sox.
16. Minnesota Twins: Their affiliation with my hometown Rochester Red Wings bumps them up at least five spots on this list.
THE "I JUST DON'T LIKE HIS FACE" DEPARTMENT
17. Cincinnati Reds: I’m a Joey Votto guy, but Dusty Baker sucks all the likeability out of this team.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks: We’re definitely into the “who cares” section of the list.
19. Colorado Rockies: Zzzzzzzz.
20. Seattle Mariners: Wake me when we get to the Phillies.
21. Houston Astros: I guess it will at least be interesting to watch their last year in the National League.
:P
22. Philadelphia Phillies: Enough of these guys already. Docked a solid five spots just for the ridiculously awful Ryan Howard contract.
23. Miami Marlins: Here’s a hateable team. Day-glo unis, Ozzie Guillen, Carlos Zambrano … any chance the ownership group includes Jennifer Lopez?
24. New York Mets: Sad to see Sandy Alderson slumming it with this motley group.
25. Boston Red Sox: It’s my hope that, at some point in the season, BAWBY VALENTINE and SCRAPPY PEDROIA get into a knife fight in the dugout.
26. Chicago White Sox: I know I’m already a very fortunate guy. Beautiful wife, good health, fulfilling job. But is it too much to ask for Hawk Harrelson to develop a watermelon-sized polyp on his larynx?
DIE IN A CHARTER PLANE ACCIDENT
27. New York Yankees: Duh. If you’re not a native New Yorker or descended from New Yorkers, and you’re a fan of this team, it means that you have no character.
28. San Francisco Giants: Just let the A’s move to San Jose, already, you assholes.
29. Texas Rangers: I might actually like this team, if it weren’t so Texan.
30. Anaheim Angels of Anaheim Anaheim: Pujols now? [Sigh.]
