Apple Picking

With the help of Craigslist I recently unloaded my 1994 Macintosh Performa 636 CD, my trusty college computer. My parents bought it for me as a freshman and it was practically obsolete by the time I was a sophomore -- my friends' PCs and PowerMacs would bully mine around, printing and taping "reboot me" to the back of my monitor -- though it was generally reliable for writing term papers and timidly navigating the still-nascent world of online pornography.

But it had been sitting in my closet for the two years since I bought a newer computer/paperweight, and it was about time I finally got rid of the thing. So I placed an ad this past weekend and I got three responses. Normally, I would give the first person to respond the right of first refusal. But his e-mail handle was "Tat2dpiercedguy," whereas the second guy to respond, an hour later, was named "Mike." I wrote back to Mike first, and he picked it up yesterday.

I don't have anything specifically against tattooed and pierced guys or gals. Some of my best friends are tattooed and/or pierced. But I have reservations about anyone who is so tattooed and pierced that he self-identifies as such. (It would be like me having the e-mail bald_n_insecure@hotmail.com.) I was just more comfortable dealing with a Mike. Does this make me some kind of a bigot? Am I a bad person?

Icono-classic

About seven years ago, George Carlin did a show at the University of Rochester Palestra. I was so excited to see him; Carlin had been one of my idols since I was old enough to understand swear words. I particularly enjoyed his observational mind and admired his mastery of language; he is the ancestral precursor to Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Wright. His Baseball vs. Football and A Place for My Stuff (NSFW video) are still among the best stand-up bits ever written.

But he was not really on his game that night in the Palestra. Maybe the material was raw, maybe the energy was off, maybe my expectations were too high. He was not only sortof unfunny, but he took time out of his set to (A) chastise the audience for not laughing loud or often enough at his jokes and (B) shamelessly hawk his book.

Ever since then, even in his popular HBO specials, I've found his work disappointing. His trademark counterculture irony seems to have been replaced with virulent anarchic rage and his monologues have become more political than societal. He's like Dennis Miller on PCP.

That said, I will be watching tonight when he appears on Jay Leno -- and I never watch Jay Leno unless I want to hear the latest Monica Lewinsky joke -- because he'll be appearing on the same stage as noted conservative political pundit Ann Coulter. And if he doesn't use the opportunity to savage conservative politics and tear Ann a new Coulter, then we'll know that Carlin isn't Carlin anymore -- he's just some guy selling the newer, louder version of the Carlin Product.

And that would be some sad sh!t.