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The Evolution of Elocution
Dec. 6th, 2005 02:47 pmIt's one of those phrases that seemed to have become idomatic without ever being widely used or sincerely literal. Maybe I'm too young to remember a time when "The check's in the mail" was an effective device for fending off creditors, but to me it has always represented a glib, sarcastic reference to obviously dishonest speech. More specifically, it is often used to get someone off your back. Example:
REPORTER: Congressman DeLay! How do you explain the millions of dollars in lobbyist contributions that ended up in your personal accounts?
CONGRESSMAN TOM DELAY: That money will be repaid to my campaign treasury. The check's in the mail. And the Democrats are stealing my mail, and burning my mail, and killing puppies. We need a tax cut.
Anyway, in recent years I've been thinking that the phrase should be updated. Not that people aren't still struggling to keep up with their debts, but there are so many ways to exact payment for services that "the check's in the mail" has lost some of its relevance. Besides, we need something that resonates with today's working Americans. At first, I was going to suggest "I'll give you doubles." We hear this all the time when someone else is taking a cool picture while we forgot our camera. They promise us doubles, but we never get any doubles. Has anyone ever received doubles?
But here's one that's even better: "I'll be working from home." Yeah, right. Nobody works at home. Maybe they check their e-mail. But you just know that they're sitting in their pajamas eating ice cream straight out of the pint at 2:30 in the afternoon between Ellen and Oprah. My coworkers say "I'll be working from home" all the time, and I'd love to sneak a gander at their timesheets to see just how much of liberty these slackers are taking.
I don't work from home. I have taken great pains to avoid fax machines, Blackberry service and a high-speed Internet connection in my home, because this would only invite work assignments after-hours. But I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on the era that turns "I'll be working from home" into widely-observed code for "I'll be sitting on my ass playing video games."
Let's see if we can't be the generation to turn utter laziness into an enduring part of our social lexicon. Next time you're caught in a tight spot, give 'em the old "I'll be working from home." The boss needs a report that's overdue? Husband wondering where you were all night? FBI investigating your gynecology license? You know what to say.
REPORTER: Congressman DeLay! How do you explain the millions of dollars in lobbyist contributions that ended up in your personal accounts?
CONGRESSMAN TOM DELAY: That money will be repaid to my campaign treasury. The check's in the mail. And the Democrats are stealing my mail, and burning my mail, and killing puppies. We need a tax cut.
Anyway, in recent years I've been thinking that the phrase should be updated. Not that people aren't still struggling to keep up with their debts, but there are so many ways to exact payment for services that "the check's in the mail" has lost some of its relevance. Besides, we need something that resonates with today's working Americans. At first, I was going to suggest "I'll give you doubles." We hear this all the time when someone else is taking a cool picture while we forgot our camera. They promise us doubles, but we never get any doubles. Has anyone ever received doubles?
But here's one that's even better: "I'll be working from home." Yeah, right. Nobody works at home. Maybe they check their e-mail. But you just know that they're sitting in their pajamas eating ice cream straight out of the pint at 2:30 in the afternoon between Ellen and Oprah. My coworkers say "I'll be working from home" all the time, and I'd love to sneak a gander at their timesheets to see just how much of liberty these slackers are taking.
I don't work from home. I have taken great pains to avoid fax machines, Blackberry service and a high-speed Internet connection in my home, because this would only invite work assignments after-hours. But I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on the era that turns "I'll be working from home" into widely-observed code for "I'll be sitting on my ass playing video games."
Let's see if we can't be the generation to turn utter laziness into an enduring part of our social lexicon. Next time you're caught in a tight spot, give 'em the old "I'll be working from home." The boss needs a report that's overdue? Husband wondering where you were all night? FBI investigating your gynecology license? You know what to say.
