I can barely hear you from up here

[penfield]

Gonna Get Together by Leroy

Someone recently posted the following anonymous remark on a friend's Web journal, apropos of nothing, under a posting on whether or not he should continue to allow anonymous comments:

"All this bleeding heart [expletive deleted by editor] makes me want to puke. I hear Michael J. Fox is offering his services to benefit liberal bloggers like you. Conviently [sic] his Parkinson's doesn't seem to affect his hands when he needs to type essays in favor of stem cell research, same-sex marriage and the pro-bestiality movement. I hope you enjoy burning in eternal fires of damnation."

Let's assume that this concerned citizen wasn't trying to be funny, since he wasn't – and yes, it is definitely a guy – what most struck me was his reference to a "pro bestiality movement," to which I feel quite certain Michael J. Fox supports only inasmuch as he supports sex with Michael J. Foxes. Moreover, I know dl004d quite well, and to my understanding he does not even like pets.

We can assume, then, that the concerned citizen was making an oblique reference to the same-sex marriage movement, using the specious reasoning that gay marriage somehow threatens traditional marriage and will lead America down a slippery slope, along which people will be allowed to marry their sisters, dogs, appliances, etc. Surely he is keeping Fluffy in the basement after the recent New Jersey Supreme Court ruling.

This "slippery slope" theory has been promoted by U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) as well as Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, the Family Research Council and the League of American Families, groups that – by attempting to limit marriage and adoption to all but the socio-religious elite – demonstrate a truly ironic concept of the word "family." Then again, these groups also support "intelligent" design; perhaps they simply need a dictionary.

Anyway, it seems to me that they've got this "slippery slope" argument all wrong. Or at least half-wrong. You see, there are two sides to that slope. Even if we accept the blatantly homophobic and uncivilized notion that same-sex marriage will open the portal to Sodom and Gomorrah, we have to look at what legislated marriage – like a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage – would do.

First, the lawmakers will tell homosexuals that they can't marry each other, because it will cheapen heterosexual marriage, the nuclear family, and so on and on.

Then they'll tell Christians that they can't marry Muslims or Jews or Zoroastrians, because their gods and prophets don't see eye-to-eye, and we can't risk a holy war or a threat to our national security.

… And then they'll tell Americans that they can't marry Canadians, or, even better, Mexicans, because it threatens the sanctity of our borders and the purity of our Americanism, not to mention our jobs.

… And then they'll tell white folks and black folks that they can't marry each other, because their cultures are incompatible – or maybe they'll use a really good euphemism, like "sacred" – and it would only disrupt and distract the general population.

… And then they'll tell fertile individuals that they can't marry infertile individuals, because the whole point of marriage is fruitful multiplication. (Only they'll probably prefer a different word than "fruitful.")

… And then they'll tell people from North Carolina that they can't marry people from South Carolina, to preserve the grand American tradition of land ownership.

… And then they'll tell Republicans that they can't marry Democrats, because families need to be firmly rooted in a single social and political philosophy.

… And then they'll re-draw the borders so they can stay in power and continue making the rules up as they go along.

So, you tell me: which slope is steeper? In a society that values freedom and self-determination, maybe letting people marry whomever they want is the idea that makes the most sense. I think I'll stay there, on the top of the hill. That's where the high road is, and it's wide enough for everybody.

You can stay down there at the bottom if you want, Mr. Santorum, and Mr. Dobson, and Mr. Anonymous Concerned Citizen. But don't come crying to us when the levees break.

Comments

another good reason to read your blog.

[(Anonymous)]

Enough Said.